Happy Birthday
Today is my birthday and I totally did the mature thing and deleted off of FB a few days ago and took away everyone's ability to post on my wall...seems reasonable. I have always loved my birthday, I still do, but this year something feels....different. Maybe it is that I am getting older, maybe it is because my anxiety/depression has a little more of a hold on me, maybe it is because I really just want to hear from those who truly love and care for me. Being a pastor's wife is hard. There are always many people around, but it is still incredibly lonely. Most faces are acquaintances, or polite at a distance, but aren't interested in any deeper of a relationship. Some care but feel that the differences in age, or life stages, is too vast. Those that are near my age and life stage have their own friends and family that live nearby...it is very hard to break into those circles. Tack onto that I am an introvert with confidence issues...and remember the anxiety...I am slow to warm up wherever I go. I am so thankful that I have friends that I have made along the way who have texted and called throughout the day, it means so much to be remembered and loved.
This last year I have truly felt old. As I think about how long it has been since I graduated high school, it seems like a really big number. My husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary later this year....TEN years. How did that happen? I mean, I remember it as if it were yesterday from the way I felt, funny things that made that day special, and the way Matthew and I were so glad to be moving forward. As an aside, I just remembered that on this day ten years ago it was a Monday, presidents day, and I had play practice (as an instructor) at school, however I woke up in severe pain and ended up at the doctor, then at an imaging facility. They thought I had a kidney stone but later figured out it was gall stones and I had that beauty removed a few days later. haha. Good times. I look down at my hands as I type and they look....old. I have wrinkles, a few age spots and we won't talk about the gray hair. I listen to the young people around me talk about the "future" and chuckle to myself remembering my naivety at their age. I couldn't wait to do all the grown up things...now I often long for those simpler times of less responsibility, less adulting.
Here's to another year older, another year wiser, and another year of dear relationships. In this next year I hope to do things that are hard. I have a few letters to write, a few things to let go of, and more importantly, I want to focus on the good, the kind and the beautiful.
JK
This last year I have truly felt old. As I think about how long it has been since I graduated high school, it seems like a really big number. My husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary later this year....TEN years. How did that happen? I mean, I remember it as if it were yesterday from the way I felt, funny things that made that day special, and the way Matthew and I were so glad to be moving forward. As an aside, I just remembered that on this day ten years ago it was a Monday, presidents day, and I had play practice (as an instructor) at school, however I woke up in severe pain and ended up at the doctor, then at an imaging facility. They thought I had a kidney stone but later figured out it was gall stones and I had that beauty removed a few days later. haha. Good times. I look down at my hands as I type and they look....old. I have wrinkles, a few age spots and we won't talk about the gray hair. I listen to the young people around me talk about the "future" and chuckle to myself remembering my naivety at their age. I couldn't wait to do all the grown up things...now I often long for those simpler times of less responsibility, less adulting.
Here's to another year older, another year wiser, and another year of dear relationships. In this next year I hope to do things that are hard. I have a few letters to write, a few things to let go of, and more importantly, I want to focus on the good, the kind and the beautiful.
JK
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